Friday, December 31, 2010

It is time

What a year 2010 has been! Let's see if I can sum up the major milestones:

- Yay, we just got engaged and my fiance moved to live with me and I am so glad to be starting the second quarter in my grad program. Life is so amazing! (cue birds chirping with the shot of of the sun rising over smooth ocean water coloring everything golden with its lucid rays)

- "Hmmn, my period is late, let's just take this pregnancy test just in case. Of course, I'm not pregnant. ... What, a blue line? This can't be right! What if it is? What if I am finally going to experience bringing a child into this world? Wow, that would be amazing! Ok, can't get too excited, this test is probably a mistake, I need to double check. Honey, don't get too excited, but this test says positive. No, I said don't get excited, it's probably wrong, hurry, go to Walgreens and pick me up some more tests. I said don't get excited! (30 minutes later) Ok, all four of these little white sticks say I'm pregnant, it's real, we're having a baby!"

- First midwife appointment. "Man, I really don't like being at the doctor's office, hope this is quick and painless. Ok, yes, we'll do an ultrasound. Oh yes, here is the baby! Oh, my God, this is the most beautiful collection of moving dots on a screen then I've ever seen. What? What? What? You say there is another set of these moving dots? Are you sure it's not gas? Oh, its not possible to have gas in the uterus? Ok, but you can't be right - TWINS?????!!!" After freaking out then rejoicing, and repeating that cycle for a few days, we finally came to terms that we are the luckiest people in the world! And then we found out that it's a boy and a girl and it became offical: we won the divine lottery!

- We decided to move back to Long Beach, and synchronistically Francis got laid off. So, I leave grad school and we move in with his parents. 37 and 29 and back living with family, this is going to be really interesting. I had the most wonderful pregnancy, loving my body as it expanded and working out to keep myself strong and healthy. The only challenge at this time was finding a midwife willing and capable of safely delivering twins at home. This is a whole other story, but my faith and perseverance, coupled with Francis' support, resulted in finding the most wonderful lay midwife in Bakersfield who lived with us for 6 days while I labored with Zaanti and Miela. This experience was truly a vision quest where I learned how to surrender,
developed faith beyond anything I've ever imagined, felt the presence of angels guiding me (and I've never believed in angles before, turns out they are not little fairies with wings, but instead they are the calls of my soul speaking to me from the depths of my heart). I even slayed some dragons (fear and disapproval of others) and lost a friend in a battle. Who needs ayahuaska?

- After the birth came the real roller-coaster. Now I know why pregnancy and birth are so difficult - they prepared you for what's to come! Breastfeeding seemed to be the devil's cruel joke and even resulted in my 5 day stay at a hospital, which ended in and a 1 cubic inch hole in my breast from a removed abscess. (It's healing nicely by the way) Tiredness and irritation hung over us like personal rain clouds, thundering, pouring rain and drenching us. After a fight with family, we had to move out. Within a week, we found an amazing apartment, gathered helpers and moved out. Oh, what fun it was to do this with 5 week old babies! More challenges came, but it seemed that each time we got better and better at handling them, as if we were building the muscle necessary to lift those weights. I'm personally up to 300lb bench pressing and 400lb squats, but can still touch my toes - life is much easier when I am flexible. It's good to be strong yet supple.

In conclusion,
2010 has been one hell of a year, amazing and breath-taking and demanding and challenging. The full catastrophe, as Zorba the Greek put it. Means I'm doing something right! It also means that it's time for me to share more of my thoughts and adventures through this blog. Not because I make you laugh (or at least smile? or laugh at me?), but because I am one more voice reminding you of your own potential, of your own power and of your divine mission to be joyous no matter what life delivers.

I welcome 2011 and know it will bring me (and you) more amazing adventures, love, peace, harmony and prosperity beyond our wildest dreams. Happy New Year!


  1. Lana,O.M.G.! Woman you are a SUPERHERO! I can't wait to follow this blog and see how these two amazing babies grow! Congratulations on an extraordinary birth!

  2. okay i just read this same post on BWF...unbelievable. the beginning of your journey to home birth was identical to mine...intuition, visions, instincts, etc. and i used a lot of yoga and mediation to prepare for bringing my daughter Earth side. you story is amazingly inspirational and, hands down, the BEST birth story i have ever read. ever. i never even knew twins could take that long in between births and i am a doula! absolutely incredible the focus and patience you had for them. just incredible. they should teach your story in med school :)

    congratulations on your beautiful children! do you still live in socal? i am in southern az and head to san diego quite frequently....would love love love to meet you someday. you are the definition of a woman. wow.